I ALWAYS CALL MY MOTHER WHEN I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

17 März 2012 @ 11:08

This is a master list of fan fiction from my old journal,

illiterate , and this journal. If I'm posting it here, then it's not too shameful for public consumption. Oh, das Leben. Das leben am Internet. I am apparently the queen of the once-off.

( This way there be monsters )

Tags: fan fiction, hey internet!!111

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09 Juli 2009 @ 12:56

Where's Hashem now?

I just went out to get my lunch and I saw something I had never seen before: an orthodox pan handler. He was wearing a black, velvet kippah and his tzitzit were hanging out. He held a sign that said, "I lost my job. My wife is sick. My mother died." He looked so sad and broken, and he was rocking back and forth on his heels as if in prayer. I wanted to say something like, "can't the community help you?" or, "have you talked to your rabbi?" Instead I gave him five dollars and teared up before ordering a salad.

When I walked past him again, I tried not to look, but couldn't help myself. I so desperately wanted him to know that I felt a sense of solidarity with him. That as Jews, his pain was mine...but as I tried to form the words in my head, I realized that there are so many worlds between us -- from my gender to my practice, we are bound only by collective memory and tragedy.

Perhaps foolishly, I still feel profoundly connected to him based on our yiddishkeyt. I have no idea why, exactly, but I found his presence to be heart-breaking. New York City seems to be a very hard place. I don't do well with seeing others suffer.

Tags: feelings are gay, jewish for a living, new york new york

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01 Juli 2009 @ 11:50

You just keep me hanging on....

It has been a strange few days. The weirdness doesn't seem to be letting up. It is both comforting and disconcerting to find such pleasure in the flux.

I had to make an emergency journey to the far reaches of central MA without a car, and it took me about two days to get there. Three trains, two subways, one kindly family friend with a car, and I finally made it to Millburn, MA, which is outside of Worcester on the saddest strip of land I've ever encountered. There were all manner of other obstacles, but in the end I found my boyfriend, got my car from the impound lot, and attended a district court hearing. J and I even went bowling, saw Up (which was amazing, and which I cried through most of), and ate a really disgusting meal Chilis. We are never going back to Chilis, and it's quite sad that we even have to return to Millburn.

Thankfully, this weekend is behind us. There are a number of external stressors on our relationship right now -- money issues, joblessness, more work for me, a new city, etc! but there was a moment in the car on the way back from MA when Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" came on, and I said to J that it should be our wedding song, and he said, "this song is really so appropriate for us, sadly." And he's right, "Perfect Day" is a little bit nostalgic and sad, but it does remind me of us, and of the time we spend together, and how I think we seek strength from one another, and sense of normalcy amidst the chaos.

Here, you can listen to "Perfect Day," just right click & save.

I am also painfully hung-over right now. Lila came over to talk about doing a dinner with J, and apparently I drank myself into the floor, because at one point I went into the bedroom to get something and instead I took off my pants and passed out. I also forgot to take my pills. I am pretty stupid.

My mother is really worried about her pickles. She has a big vat of pickles in her fridge and they will not stop pickling. They are making her nervous because she is afraid that they are rotting (or will soon begin to rot). She is emailing the man who gave them to her, and then she will find out if they are okay. Pickles, you know?

For some reason I thought I had more to say. This morning, through the haze of an alcohol induced headache, I saw lots of a magical things. A couple embracing tightly by the G train as my bus rolled by, a sign in Polish on the door of a plumbing store letting the neighborhood know that the plumber had died, a woman with a envelope tattooed behind her ear and decorated with pansies...

Mornings can be tender.

OH! OH! I just remembered what I wanted to talk to you about. I was even more excited to be touched by "Perfect Day" in the car because prior to that moment J and I didn't really have "a song." I'm sure you know what I mean -- one of those tunes that comes on and couples exclaim, "they're playing our song!" and somehow it feels like that moment is just for you, just the two of you. I have always associated "couple songs" with Real Relationships, almost as though a relationship isn't solidified until you have the unifying piece of popular music between you. I know that this is bullshit, but I really do ponder it kind of frequently. I think Kel and I really enjoyed listening to Snow Patrol, specifically the song "Chocolate," and then later, "Chasing Cars." I know for certain that Carl and I considered "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" and also, "If You Find Yourself Caught in Love," to be Our Songs. You'd be surprised how frequently "In The Aeroplane Over the Sea" is a "couple song." My parents' song is "Let It Be Me," and they danced to it at their wedding. Occasionally if it comes on when we're home, they will get up and dance. Behold, the power of the "couple song."

Anyway, it looks like J and I have "a song" now, as lame as that might sound. Do you and your person have a song? Do you care about having one? I'm curious, talk to me.

Tags: brooklyn, feelings are gay, me me me!!!

2 & | be cruel

26 Juni 2009 @ 19:00

Me, at other job.

A little bit more relaxed, you'll notice.
Case and point.

3 & | be cruel

24 Juni 2009 @ 10:05

Thanks, man.

          The world is too much with us; late and soon,
          Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
          Little we see in Nature that is ours;
          We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
          The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
          The winds that will be howling at all hours,
          And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
          For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
          It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
          A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;                        
          So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
          Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
          Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
          Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.
                                                              1806, Wordsworth

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16 Juni 2009 @ 14:04

TRUFAX

I don't know if you knew this, f-list, but I am a huge loser for musicals. Yes, that's right, I am a huge fag.

This fact aside, I recently read an article somewhere (possibly in The New Yorker) that mentioned in passing the way music makes us feel. As in, there has actually be research done about the way certain combinations of notes make us feel like our souls are taking flight, or in my case, make my vagina clench -- that might be pushing it, but you get my point. Anyway, I find that these "musical moments" are so strong in certain songs that I actually REMEMBER them for years. Like, I can still listen to certain songs and experience the same feeling over and over again. For some reason these moments seem to occur most commonly in musicals, so that's what you're getting here. You are also getting some Adam Lambert, because he also has the MAGIC.

Here's my point: I have collected a few of these songs for you. Listen to them, feel the power, tell me if you know what I mean in comments. So right-click&save, or just click and listen. I think you'll get my point.

"Floor Show/Rose Tint My World" from The Rocky Horror Show. The moment I am thinking of comes right at the VERY end, when Riff-Raff sings. His voice is kind of nasal-y and very ROCK AND OR ROLLING. This is the Broadway cast recording from almost a decade ago, and Raul Esparza played Riff-Raff. He has a stunning voice. I have always been a big fan.

"Heaven on their Minds" from Jesus Christ Superstar. I think this is the original cast recording from the 70s, but possibly not. It might be the one from, like, 1994. Either way, the guy who plays Judas is fucking out of this world. I like it when he cries, "JESUUUUUUS." You can see why A-Lambertz is totally into this musical (and it's not becuz its super fucking gay, okay?).

"Where's the Girl, Reprise" from The Scarlet Pimpernel. This is Terrence Mann singing. He was the original Javert, and he also played Frank-N-Furter at one point. Here he plays Chauvlin. The final note of this song is INSANE. It's ethereal. I swear to God, my soul might actually take flight when I hear it. Terrence Mann is super great. I met him once, and he was so nice. He is also the best Javert, ever, so there.

Finally, I give you: "Feeling Good," as performed by Adam Lambert. I have listened to this song maybe 80,000,000,000 times over the past 24-hours. That LONG ASS NOTE near the end fucking blows my puny mind. I know that Adam is a ROCK STAR, but he is depriving the theatre going world of some crizz-ay-zee pipes. Seriously, I didn't understand the obsession until I heard this song...over and over again.

I think that each of these 'pieces' (ha-ha) has something in common. The Pimpernel one stands out a little, because it's not very rock oriented, but I think that Terrence Mann's voice has the right kind of edge, and that you can really hear a similar rawness that ends in incredible intensity in these songs. Guys, why am I such a loser? Plz send help.

KAY MUSIC IS GOOD BYE

Tags: gay face, musik

8 & | be cruel

15 Juni 2009 @ 11:03

work tiems

I like to dick around at work. Oops.

2 & | be cruel

10 Juni 2009 @ 00:04

A Day of Tweets

08:21 This weather is scary crazy. Woke me up at 3am! #
11:21 @laurenaissance: PopEater and RS want to know: Are you surprised by Lambert's reveal? No 98% 34,615 Yes 2% 759 - WHO ARE THESE 759 PPL? #
11:22 WHEN DOES MAD MEN START THIS SUMMER?! need to know now. #
18:56 Heels! What made me think I could wear you? #

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09 Juni 2009 @ 20:14

hot dogs and rage.

Okay, seriously, I watch these commercials that are like, "OMG, I HAVE HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA, BUT I NEED MORE $$$$!! I WORK FOR AN HOURLY WAGE :( :( :(" And then it's like, "SO I LOGGED ON FOR COLLEGE, GOT MY ASSOCIATES DEGREE ONLINE...AND NOW I HAVE LOADS OF $$$$$"

Hold the fuck up now, people. I went to a really good college, and I did well, and I WORK FOR AN HOURLY WAGE. These commercials lie. FEEL MY MIDDLE CLASS WELL-EDUCATED RAGE, INTERNETS.

Anyway.

I am watching Bizarre Foods with Anthony Zimmern, and no

x_los, he hasn't called anything "gamy" yet....He has, however, let me know that the street food du jour in Chile is the HOT DOG. I sort of love the world because every country has some kind of weird and awesome street food that is kind of a mix of other weird awesome things in the world. Like, conceptually, hot dogs are really weird. Yeah.

I need to go meet Jen now. PEACE.

11 & | be cruel

09 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

12:27 Reading about Purim, thinking about Top Shop. #
21:19 Watching 1776 in bed. So good! #
21:33 "It appears that no one will let John Adams have any fun during the revolution! UNFAIR" tinyurl.com/lulntw -kbeaton #

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08 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

10:51 @acedotal I WISH I HAD BEEN THERE, WATCHING SERENITY W/ YOU :( #
15:21 A #
18:48 @blergh BETTER THAN BEING PUNCHED BY A BABY. #

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07 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

02:35 I just really want to wash my feet right now. #
12:45 @laurenaissance Those jerseys are a pretty common sight, if I'm not mistaken. I own a Pettitte one. #
12:49 Also @laurenaissance I'M A SHAAAAARK, I'M A SHAAARK. SUCK MY DIIIIIICK, I'M A SHARK. #
17:57 long day. so tired. j purchased us a broken accordion. very exciting? #
20:06 "Girl took off, like, five outfits." -- Meg #

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06 Juni 2009 @ 01:17

A Day of Tweets

02:21 Weekend plans. #
08:59 Crappy weather! Boo! #
09:06 @onthewindowsill That doesn't even make sense. #
14:44 Just had a coffee shop interview. Fingers crossed.... #
16:39 @xoxoxojen TOTALLY. DRINK ON. Also: plans for tonight? #
16:40 Ugh, still unpacking! How is this even possible? I cannot believe that J is about to show up with MORE books >:O #
17:48 @xoxoxojen There's Abby's parrrrrty my friend. #
21:02 @travellingmatt god I hope so. I just want to hang out with your awesomeness again. #
22:32 Allon yosha!? Really?!? #

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05 Juni 2009 @ 00:04

A Day of Tweets

11:01 In NJ with the parents, jury duty canceled, J on his way back to MA. #
11:48 Riverside Square is so fancy these days! #
12:58 I am amazed by the amount of food on the table next to us at the cheesecake factory. #
16:43 @blergh better than checking out a 12yrold because you think they're an FTM. #

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04 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

08:33 Out after midnight... Such a bad idea. #
08:47 J showed up @ 3:45am and scared me to death. He banged on the door. My first thought? Gestapo! #
08:53 To the girl painting her nails on my bus: FUCK. YOU. #
10:05 I hate my outfit today :( #

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03 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

15:17 Pastis is playing a jazzy version of Hava Nagilah, complete with bongoes. #
15:20 Also: all the people I work with ar3 crazy. #
15:23 Furthermore, there is an article about panthers in NJ in this week's New Yorker. It's called Panther(s)! And said panthers were in ALPINE. #
15:27 errrrr. Actually, want to get pizza at 6 in bushwick with Abby? I'll meet you @ the lorimer L. #
16:26 I wouldn't mind the rain if I didn't have to pee so badly. Being a person is hard!! #
16:41 @xoxoxojen did you get my tweet about pizza at six? Meet at the lorimer L? #

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02 Juni 2009 @ 09:05

Okay, so...

A bunch of us went to this "internet meme" party that was thrown by Urlesque. It was me,

semiorobotics,

violin_road, and others. We put on costumes, because the point was to dress up as a meme. I went as "frosted butts." As it would figure, no one knew what frosted butts was.

This is frosted butts:

I THINK THAT THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON THE INTERNET.

Anyway.

This was one of those NYC parties where people take your picture. There are lots of pictures of semiorobotics because she basically won the internet by ~~being naked~~ dressing as a troll. But there's one picture that I really adore...

IT WAS TAGGED AS "UNRELATED." JONATHAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MACRO, IE: "RANDOM NONSENSE." HAR-HAR. All of this happened on Sunday night. I am so tired, even now. And violin_road is on her way back to Chicago. I will miss her little face so much :/

Work tiems now.

3 & | be cruel

02 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

21:13 @blergh it seems that I, too, would date a lambert's brother. #
22:05 rt @wilto: tightsarenotpants.com/manifesto I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME IN BKYLN. #

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01 Juni 2009 @ 00:03

A Day of Tweets

09:08 yaaaaaay! #memeparty tonight! have to put my costume together... #
11:45 @wilto Seriously? Why bring the hate on so strong? NYC is for lovers. #
11:46 Not being able to find my flower-printed scarf = misery. WHERE IS IT?! THE ONE FROM MY DRESSER :( :( :( #
11:58 @wilto I guess there's a reason hitch-hiking is illegal :/ #
12:38 Seems no matter where I live there's an asshole playing the acoustic guitar...poorly. #
12:41 okay, wait, no -- it's not just a guitar, it's a band, and they're good. #

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31 Mai 2009 @ 00:11

A Day of Tweets

16:15 That's the kind of dog that you know when you're alone with it, it talks-- @devish #
23:52 Why would you say that in a national magazine for people who suck cock?--@blergh on Out magazine. #
23:53 @devish plz do! That would be great. #

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